I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
