he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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