Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize