I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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