My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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