fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
