whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
