He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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