butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
