That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
