I'm going to jail i love you
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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