Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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