I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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