i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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