There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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