i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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