I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize