peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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