My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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