Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
