I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
