So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize