So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
