Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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