She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
