Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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