Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize