i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
