You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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