so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
