You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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