I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
