i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
