Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Terrible idea I love it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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