I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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