We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
