you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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