Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
