yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize