Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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