So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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