I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
