it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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