With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
