garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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