college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
