he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How external is "for external use only"?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
