youre lurking in front of me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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