She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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