I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
