I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
