Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
