Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
