finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
