She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
