R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
