Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
false alarm. still invincible.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
