i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize