My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
