I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
