I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
