I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
