I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
