so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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