Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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