Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
