My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
