I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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