I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
