woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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