I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
