Ambien. No doubt about it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
