I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
