I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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