I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
