I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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