During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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