Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
