my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
