Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
