i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
