Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
