I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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