i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
