But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
