i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
