Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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