At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
