Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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