I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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