Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
