she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
