Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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