Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
