im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
